I experienced something profound during a time when I needed it most. It was as if the transformation was waiting for me.
I discovered the in-between moments; the moments that define our story. The big picture began to come into focus.
Before the big picture was painted there was a time of intense stress and anxiety. It was a difficult time for my family financially.
The financial burdens from operating our own business began to seep into the nest egg we had worked so hard to build. We had no choice—we sold the business.
Selling the business still left us wedged between a hard place and a rock. What could we do to drastically make a dent in the debt we had incurred?
This was the conversation my wife and I would have on a regular basis:
—Let’s sell the house.
The house was the only piece of debt we could move.
—But where would we live?
We decided we could either live with little financial wiggle room each month for the next five years, or we could swallow our pride and move in with my wife’s parents for six to eight months and rebuild our nest egg.
We pondered for several weeks.
We thought about what others would think of us, being in our late twenties with an 18 month old, moving back in with our parents. We thought about how we failed—with the business and each other.
We thought about how we let our son down.
But then we realized we had this great opportunity to get back on track.
We were grateful for my wife’s parents being so welcoming during a very difficult time for us and realized that not everybody has these opportunities.
This was one of the hardest decisions we would ever make. I faced many fears during those conversations. I had to accept a lot of things. Failure was one.
We put the the house up for sale, hoping it would sell fast.
Weeks and months began to pass with our house sitting there empty, holding onto all of our memories, the difficulties and our dreams, still with that for sale sign in the front yard.
Then something happened. My perspective changed.
I took living with my in-laws as an opportunity to work on myself, to look inward and answer some very difficult questions. I took it as an opportunity to face and expose my vulnerabilities.
We all experience vulnerability. It’s how we deal with those vulnerabilities that makes a difference.
Up until this point in my life I would always suffocate those feelings so I wouldn’t have to own or accept them. I didn’t want to be seen as weak.
Writing was my healing process and springboard to a journey of self growth.
Each morning while living with my in-laws I would rise at 5:00a.m. and read. I would then sit there deep in thought and write in my journal; releasing all of those vulnerabilities I held onto up until that point. I was beginning to change.
But then I faced yet another fear.
The house wasn’t selling as quickly as we hoped and we were soon approaching the winter months. So we decided to move back into our own house.
The idea of moving back scared me to death.
Living with my in-laws had served as a sabbatical for me. It was life changing. I took full advantage of that feeling—the feeling of wanting to become a better person.
I was scared to move back into our own house fearing that I would revert back to the highly stressed, short tempered, anxiety centric person that I once was.
But, I knew I had to face my fears.
I knew this was going to be the ultimate test for all the work I had put into myself.
I continued to do the only thing that I knew would help
I wrote in my journal every single day. I still do. I made it a priority. I knew If I didn’t uncover the things I was feeling or the fears I was facing, I would end up in a stress ball once again.
After 29 years of existence I was finally able to face my vulnerabilities. I was okay with accepting my faults as a person. Through writing, I would discover the very things that I didn’t like about myself or the fears that were holding me back or a different lens in which to see things.
Journaling allowed me to be intentional about the things that would help me become a better version of myself each and every day.
Writing is my healing process.
Writing is the key to the vulnerability vault. It has strengthened everything around me.
The moments with my son are more focused and pure. The relationship with my wife has become stronger. The financial wedge that was placed between us is gone.
All of that can vanish in an instance, if I let it.
This is why I have committed to an intentional journey of self growth and writing.
Because writing has changed my life.
As I sit here today my family’s financial situation hasn’t changed one bit. The only thing that has changed is my perspective. It’s the change in how I see the world and our own circumstances.
I don’t regret one moment or one cent that we owe.
This entire experience has led me on a life altering path, a path of self awareness and transformation. It’s an experience that my wife and I have learned so much from.We are now closer and are growing together.
For that, I can’t be anything but grateful.
This isn’t a sob story. This is a story of accepting vulnerabilities. It’s a story about perspective and change.
Writing has gotten me there and will continue to guide me.