• 2014_claired-8691

  • 2014_claired-8679

  • 2014_claired-0808

  • ClaireDeBoer_home3s

"Your life is not a problem to be solved but a gift to be opened." ~ Wayne Muller

How to Stop Living in the Past

Rick Warren quote

There was a time when my past dictated my present and future.

Perhaps you’ve been there—or are there right now.

My past was behind me, sure, but it lived through me, negatively impacting the present. I channeled my energy into finding answers as to why certain things had happened to me.

I wrestled with what I could have done differently, or what I should be doing. I looked to others to place blame, as if doing so would bring a brighter light to my present. I tossed and turned at night regretting past decisions that had put my family and I in the financial hole we found ourselves in.

As I kept reliving the darkness of my past, the present became even darker.

My relationship with my wife grew thick with tension; the authenticity of my relationships became stale. The areas in which I worked and played became toxic from the voice in my head leading the way.

I was a lit fuse, never knowing when I was about to explode from an unnecessary reaction.

The more I lived through what had caused such pain and stress, the more pain and stress it caused me in the present moment. It even traveled through me to those around me.

Then something happened.« Continue »

Why it’s Important to Play in the Mud

Young woman with rubber boots jumping in puddle

You know that place of absolute emotional discomfort—the one where you don’t want to face your pain and would do just about anything to climb out of it? If you’re there right now I want you to do one thing: stay and play a while.

Play in the mud.

Play until you’re comfortable with that thick silty mess that is your life.

What is the first thing we want to do when faced with any kind of pain in life, both our own and that of the ones we love? We want to fix. We want to move on. We can’t bear to sit in the mess and look at it. We see all the people around us supposedly holding it together and we scramble to do the same.

Even if our lives look like hell, we want to give the appearance that all is going well.

We’ve all been there. And it doesn’t get you anywhere. In fact, when we try to walk away from our pain instead of exploring the muddy mess of it, it comes back to haunt us (tweet that!)

Always.

I have learned this over the last few months since going through a major storm in my marriage. My husband, being a “fix-all” kind of guy, has been eager to move forward—to hurry things along and feel good again.

I, on the other hand, have not been so willing. I need to play in the mud for a while. I need to gather that silt in my hands and examine its form. I want to get really clear on what brought us to this gargantuan mud bath in the first place and then I want to throw around some of that mud.

Because until we can do that, until we can get really clear on what tried to sink us, we can’t rise to a better place.« Continue »

How to Kick Your Ego to the Curb so You Can Write Freely

ego

I just went through a two-week phase where writing has been really… difficult. Have you been there? You know you SHOULD write, but you don’t really know what to write ABOUT? There’s nothing major going on in your life at the present moment to use as creative fuel. No disasters. No huge celebrations. Life just […]

Continue

Write What You Believe

toxic radio2

For a long time, one thing kept me from writing what I really thought. For a long time I worried, what if I change my mind? What if I wrote something down, or took a stand, or argued a point, and then later didn’t believe that thing any more? The words would always be there […]

Continue