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"Your life is not a problem to be solved but a gift to be opened." ~ Wayne Muller

What to Do When You Can’t Change the Outcome

Viktor Frankl quote

Have you ever felt powerless? As though you are no longer in the driving seat and not really sure if you ever were?

We like to be in control—to know that the small plot of land we are in charge of, namely our own lives, are ours to groom, pull out weeds and plant seeds as we wish. But our neat little gardens rarely stay well manicured—before too long something happens to destroy several of our plants, and occasionally the ground will need completely new soil.

My garden has withered a little lately. Well, actually a lot. I’m in that need completely new soil stage—and a little fertilizer wouldn’t hurt.

Sometimes an overhaul isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes it’s exactly what you need to make your garden flourish.

You can till fresh ground, pull out the weeds, plant new seed, but at some point you have to sit back and let the journey of life take its course. That part is out of your control.

No matter what struggle we may find ourselves in, our natural tendency as human beings is to hold on, overcome and control. When it comes to our own lives the thought of being out of control is scary. If we can’t control our lives, what can we control?

But what if in that place of futility there was freedom? Because when we can’t control the outcome, we can control how we feel (tweet that!)« Continue »

How Writing Makes Us Better Together

Couple on bench

“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.” – William Wordsmith

Life seems to move pretty fast. Throw in an, almost, three year old boy, with one on the way, a yellow lab and all of the daily to-do’s and that leaves little time to communicate with your significant other.

Communication is the foundation to a deeply connected and rooted relationship.

When you have a family, a job, dinner, laundry, family outings, whatever it is, communication with your partner is typically the one thing that gets tossed to the side.

Two year’s ago my wife and I’s communication, which we’ve been so strong with in the past, took a beating. It began to suffer.

We were experiencing a period where stress was at an all time high for the both of us. Financial adversity was the fuel to a fire that spread throughout our entire relationship.

Instead of communicating our way through it, the majority of the time we kept it to ourselves. Even when we decided to communicate, we said just enough to one another to leave the other person chasing fictional thoughts down unnecessary rabbit holes.

And we increased the distance between us.« Continue »

Underneath the Mask

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A few months ago my counselor challenged me with this question: “How authentic are you really being in your relationships?” The question came on the heels of a discussion where I mentioned having been hurt in a friendship but had never addressed the issue with the friend. My immediate thought in answer to his question […]

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Writing is the Healing Place and Space

I stare at her text, eyes filling with tears. “Writing is the work for you and me,” she writes. “That is the healing place and space.” I nod my head affirmatively, because she understands, she gets me. She too is a flinger of words, one who thinks and processes best through the medium of writing. […]

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